Tuesday, December 30, 2008

On a roll now!

Literally, rolling along on my pilates ball. Hahaha.

The last two days have been very successful NSV. I've woken up at 4:45 am to start a 25-40 minute pilates workout. It actually quite soothing to just have the 45 minutes to myself. No stress, no worries. I'm progressing quite well - I'm now able to do some more advanced techniques. I can't wait to go back to class next week and show how far I have come!!

I realized in my goal setting that I didn't set anything for a 5lb loss. I desperately needed a hair cut anyway, so I booked an appointment at a new salon. Oh my goodness. It was the girlie pampering I needed. Neck massage, hair cut and makeup touch up - all inclusive. My hair smells and feels great, I am completely relaxed and I am two points under for the day.

So, til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Overcoming the odds!

I think that anyone who can coast through the holidays without overindulging shows amazing will power.

I never thought I could be one of those people!!

After a slight scale mishap this morning, I weighed in with a 1.2 lb loss. A loss?! After 3 days of Christmas goodies with a chaser of Pepto Bismol, I was almost certain I was in for a setback.

But even the smallest loss is a success. However, I received a little boost of inspiration while reading the WW boards today.

http://sharanc2003.webs.com/statsandmilestones.htm

While reading through this WW member's milestones, I realized how vital exercising will be toward reaching this goal. If I can get to the gym 3-5 times a week, I can speed this process up significantly. Additionally, with the exercise I can reduce the chance of flabby skin, etc.

Gotta run, get back to cleaning the apartment.

So, til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Detoxify!

Merry Christmas, and pass the Pepto!

From Christmas Eve to last night, I've been enjoying the savory and sweet flavors of the season. But after being very OP for the last two weeks, it literally made my sick! I am so incredibly thankful for everyone's hard work to create such decadent dishes, but I am also thankful for a day where I can just eat soup, fruit and other organic items.

WI tomorrow is going to be iffy - I think the three day deviation will set me back a little. In addition to choosing Rock Band 2 over pilates might have something to do with it as well. Oh well.

I just need to remember that this is NOT the end of the world, and this does not make me less of a person. This is a long journey, so its important to keep moving forward.

I hope you all had a WONDERFUL holiday!

So, til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas Eve Eve

Nothing terribly exciting to report today. I'm 4.5 pts under my total, but not hungry. So that's good.

We did have a conversation, on a whim really, amongst the coworkers about striving towards a fitness goal in 2009. This is exciting, at least the thought of promoting a work environment free of temptation.

Time to watch more Office and do some pilates. Wahoo!

So, til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Caloric Countdown to Christmas!

Hooray for another OP day!

As the days get closer to Christmas, I feel the hours slow down exponentially. Even our computer programs decided to take a break today.

Boredom + lack of work + numerous holiday goodies = perfect storm for over eating

But not today!

Seriously though, the influx of goodies needs to stop! Suddenly the maternal chef in everyone rears its ugly head, and the communal table becomes an absolute smorgasbord of fudge, cookies and candies of all shapes and sizes.

How's that for painting a picture?

Maybe I'm just getting cranky - but if one more person walks in peddling their homemade pastries, I could really lose it. And its not that I want them, because truthfully, chances are if someone only cooks one time a year they probably are not the most experienced chef. I just loathe the look on someone's face when I refuse their labor of love. "Oh come on, you can have just one." "Start your diet after the holidays."

I only have 2 more days until I can enjoy a long weekend. Just need to keep on track until then - need to save those Flex points!

So, til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Scale victory!

YAHOO! I've finally stopped dancing around the apartment long enough to type a new entry:

4.4 lbs - not bad for the first week back on the wagon :)

So incredibly exciting! But I know, its normal to lose lots in the first few weeks. But for it being the week before Christmas, and all the goodies that have been around - 4.4 lbs is amazing!!

I also stumbled upon a new gadget that I love! We signed up for a free trial of Netflix, which has a new service that you can download movies to the Xbox 360 console. How cool is that? So now, I practice Pilates while catching up on the Office (my new favorite show). Also, I can test out new workout videos - and I don't have to wait for them to come in the mail. I love it!

I'm excited for today, just a lazy Sunday. Started off my morning with my weekly inspirational booster: Ruby on Style Network. Being able to see someone with similar struggles, and overcoming them is the push I need every week to say "I can do this!"

I'm going to get ready for the day and do some light grocery shopping. I need some more watermelon!!

So, til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

The Weekend Wrap Up

I've been slacking on writing, but not on my new focus. I'm very excited for my week 1 weigh in tomorrow morning.

Last night was the downtown pub crawl "benefit" for Toys for Tots. I like drinking for a cause! Anyway, we met at a local restaurant for dinner and surprisingly, I was unable to finish my normal entree. I was full about half-way through! Wahoo!

I even took it a little easy during the crawl, knowing that a shot of rum is about 2pts. I stuck to rum and diet coke, calling it quits after 4 drinks.

The big triumph for the night, by far, was the crawl collecting over 400 toys and $5000 for Toys for Tots!

This afternoon, I went out to do some grocery shopping keeping in mind my slip from last week. I successfully avoided all fast food places, and opted for a Diet Dr. Pepper.

Slowly, but surely, habits are changing. Now, I just need to follow-through and make it permanent. I've felt different about this time with WW. Allowing myself to make those mistakes and not give up or get down on myself hasn't been easy; but it's making this process much less stressful.

Let's see if I still have the same optimism after my weigh in...

So, til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.

Friday, December 19, 2008

NSV!

The past two days have been a little hectic. As we wind down closer and closer to the holidays, time moves in overdrive. Insane.

Yesterday at work, a very nice gentleman from another department offered us a gift basket that he has received from a client. I think his exact words were "Would you like a basket of chocolate?" - which is like throwing steak to a bunch of lions. All five ladies (myself included) jumped at the opportunity!!

We all calmed down, and pieced through the basket. I was very proud of us, we opened the basket around 10am, but didn't eat a bite until 4:00pm. Ah well. Its still the holidays, we're allowed to indulge a little.

I also experienced a very painful dentist appointment, when the acrylic used to take an impression of my bite dried to my teeth. After 20 minutes of the dental assistant yanking at it, the dentist had to drill it off. Ugh. Needless to say, eating was the LAST thing on my mind yesterday. DBF made a yummy orzo dish, which was easy to consume with little chewing.

Ironically, the bad dentist appointment led to a wonderful NSV - I didn't eat a single thing after dinner last night! I actually closed off my kitchen at 7:00pm and stayed out for the rest of the night. We watched movies, finished xmas cards, and I even taught DBF some techniques on the pilates ball. No overeating AND AP? WOW - who am I again?

New shoes, here I come!!

So, til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Goals!

I completely forgot to set goals for myself! I'm definitely a person who appreciates the journey far more than the destination, but there should be some diversions along the way!

So for now (Short Term Goals):

260: New pair of shoes
25o: New kitchen utensils (tongs, spatulas)
240 (~10%): New jeans

Long term goals:

200: New bathing suit
150: New dress from a store I've never shopped in before
135: New tattoo


I'll fill in the short term goals as I get there. Gotta love motivation!!

Food/Exercise Log: 12/16/08

Breakfast:
  • 2 Egg Whites
  • 1/4 C Kraft Free Cheddar Cheese
  • 1 tbsp 97% fat free diced ham
  • 1 Lender's Onion Bagel
Lunch
  • Turkey, Stuffing and Gravy
  • Cranberry Sauce
  • Green bean casserole
  • Wheat roll with butter
  • Choc Chip Cookies
  • Cheesecake
Dinner
  • Burger King Chicken Sandwich Meal


Well holy coronary on a platter Batman! Thank heavens for those flex points - I used almost all of them in one whack!

Today was the big holiday potluck and I was very impressed by my overall behavior. I didn't linger near the food, I didn't go for seconds. All in all, a big pat on the back.

So earlier this week, I touched on some reason I might be hindering my on success regarding weight loss. One was this inability to get over fear of failure. Ironically, we participated in a Guest speaker activity which addressed letting go of fear. The Guest speaker delivered this message through theater-type improv games.

The first rule was to make the area a safe place. Not only physically, but emotionally - we needed to agree to allow everyone the freedom to make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, and they can be embarrassing - but accept that it happened and move on. Keep moving forward.

So, bringing this into perspective - I need to objectively look at why I overeat or make bad food choices. And if I make a "mistake" - its not the end, I haven't failed. It doesn't mean I'm not good at this "weight loss thing." As with any other skill or talent, it takes time, determination and persistence.

On that note, I am going to practice some of those ab-busting pilates moves. I'm off from class for two weeks, so I'd like to truly impress when I come back in the new year!

So, til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Food/Exercise Log: 12/15/08

Breakfast:
  • 2 Egg Whites
  • 1/4 C Kraft Free Cheddar Cheese
  • 1 tbsp 97% fat free diced ham
  • 1 Lender's Onion Bagel
Snack:
  • Hostess 100 Calorie Pack Cupcakes

Lunch
  • Turkey and Swiss on wheat
  • Chicken & herb dumpling soup
Snack
  • 2 C Watermelon
  • 1 pkg string cheese
Dinner
  • 3 oz. soy sauce/ginger marinated steak
  • 2 C Edamame
  • 1/2 C orzo pasta salad
Snack
  • Apple slices with caramel dipping sauce
  • Choc. chip cookie

Emotional Goals/Realizations:
  • Even though no one saw you eat it, you still ate it.


So, today was the official (for me) start of the holiday goodies rush. After only being in the office for 10 minutes, I walked past a huge plate of assorted home baked cookies. Right next to the water cooler. Who does that?

But I do feel more comfortable being on a restricted food intake at work because it easily fits into the routine. Can't popover to the fridge during commerical breaks to grab seconds, can't skip out of a meeting to grab some fast food.

I say this now, but tomorrow is our holiday potluck. Yikes!

Also, I had my second exercise class today. This was my first introduction to pilates. Owie. Owie ow ow ow ow. ::sigh:: Ow. It was fun and very much out of my comfort zone. I only fell off the ball once, and I wasn't the first to do so. Aside from the ball being too small, it was a very successful workout. I learned some great techniques that I can incorporate into my normal routine.

However, I did treat myself to one choc. chip cookie tonight. It's ok, I'm not perfect :) But I'm still trying ;)

So, til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Food/Exercise Log: 12/14/08

Breakfast:
  • 2 Egg Whites
  • 1/4 Kraft 2% Cheese
  • 1 Lender's Onion Bagel
  • 1/2 pear

Exercise:
  • walking (grocery shopping)
  • lifting groceries up 3 flights of stairs (2 trips - holy COW!!)

Lunch
  • Wendy's chicken nugget meal
So, lunch was a big oopie. I literally went about my Sunday routine - it was almost robotic. Well, now I've learned - avoid that route past the fast food place :)

Dinner
  • 1/3 Kashi Roasted Veggie Think Crust Pizza
  • 1/2 cup homemade chilled orzo pasta salad
  • 1 banana

Emotional Goals/Realizations:

  • Don't eat out of boredom

While I was out and about today, I ended up spending a hefty chunk of change on fresh foods. Trying to eat healthier in a recession is definitely a challenge. I was reading some online news source the other day, which reported that sales of SPAM and McDonald's were on the rise. Its hard to compete with a $1 double cheeseburger versus a $6 salad.

I did splurge a little bit on myself, buying a new yoga mat and pilates ball for my workout class. I figure if I'm going to sweat, I'm going to sweat in style.

A start of a new day...

This morning I came to a heart wrenching realization: I have reached my highest personal weight. Although a lofty achievement, its not something worth recognition. After weeks of avoiding the scales, rationalizing clothing sizes, and avoiding mirrors and photos - I truly cannot hide anymore.

I've started to take some steps toward becoming more healthy, but the purpose of this blog is to hold myself accountable. I'm starting back on Weight Watchers, specifically Etools. I had been on the regular monthly pass, but when I went to the meeting 4 weeks ago I had a huge anxiety-like attack and could not leave the car. I wasn't ready to admit I had a problem. I wasn't ready to stand up in front of a group of unknowns and say "I'm not perfect." I guess, in essence, I'm still not. There is something so incredibly comforting about anonymity.

I've also started a weekly workout class, which was also eye opening. Its easy to downplay other tell tale signs of obesity: not fitting into seats, muffin tops on clothing, lack of energy; but when you're put on the spot in an exercise class, there's no escaping the reality staring you in the face.

I've never been skinny, I've always been battling a weight issue since I was small. I'm not entirely sure what the root of the disorder is. Is it lack of coping skills, forcing me to eat my feelings? Is it reflection of my relative eating issue upon me? Is it simply a lack of will power? Only time and genuine self realization will bring the truth to light.

However, I feel like small rays of sunshine are starting to break though this bleak wall of mystery. I mention earlier that I was not ready to say "I'm not perfect," but I'm slowly making my way. I just need to let go and not put so much pressure on myself. I've always had a knack for being "gifted" at most tasks I undertake. The one discipline that has entirely escaped my grasp is my weight and overall health. And when I don't succeed, I get frustrated and walk away. How can I ever have something on my track record that's not a perfect A, the gold medal or the number one spot.

What I am also slowly realizing is that this isn't about being the best, the prizes are far more rich in worth. I want to live to an old age. I want to be able to have children, and see them have children of their own. I want to be able to ride a rollercoaster without having to think twice. I want to be able to shop in every store in the mall, and not be limited to just two.

Well, with this tall order of wants I need to start on the taller order of to do's to get there. So far now, I'm going to head out and complete some smart grocery shopping.


~ 'til next time, keep reaching for your dreams.